The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

I know I haven’t posting in quite sometime.  Been a busy time for me, both professionally and personally. 

Here we are at the end of the day.  Facing another long day tomorrow between work, work #2, work #3, and whatever personal obligations may arise. My body is worn…but it’s what lies heavily on my mind which brings me on this evening. 

Father’s Day is a time to many celebrate the memories of having a dad and a being a dad.  For me, the older I get…the more this holiday brings me pain and discomfort.  Like so many who have lost their fathers, it is a time of reflection and remembrance of what they have lost. My father has been gone for close to ten years now. There are many days where I wonder what would things be like today if he were still around…if things were different.

But for me, it’s not so much about what was lost…but more about what can never be. I will never know the joys and sorrows of fatherhood.  I will never have a chance to pass on my lineage…my name. And that’s why for me, after the parties/celebrations are done, the cards/gifts have been given, and the day draws to a close, I can’t help but feel a bit down.

MInd you, I’m not looking for sympathy.  Not looking for advice. 

Maybe just looking for a place to rest this weary heart.

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